Here goes…

As of 2:21 pm yesterday, my cellphone buzzed signaling a call. So I answered it, and but then no one answered so I ended the call.

Then for the second time, it rang with the same number appearing on my phone’s screen. I left the class room and answered the call and said: “Yes, who is this please?”

The person at the other line said: “Ito ba si Catherine Gonzales Mones? Ung malandi?!”.

I was dumbfounded. Startled to be exact.

It took me a jiffy to answer and ask who the person is. But she answered: ” Hindi na mahalaga, ang landi2 mo. Ang kapal2 ng mukha mo! Kung makapag-post ka ng picture kala mo ang ganda2 mo.”

I was infuriated. I answered: “Why the fuck do you care? It’s none of your business. I can post nude photos and you should’nt give a damn! Why are you so affected?! Do I know you?!”

Then I heard her say: “Uy, ikaw nga kumausap dito, nag-Eenglish na e!”

I almost laughed. Haha.

So there, I finished the call and rejected the rest of the incoming ones knowing that it’s just some senseless sh*t and besides, I have class already so I set my phone on a n auto-reject call list so that incoming calls from that number would be barred.

Now now, I realized…

My detractors exist.

That detractor is beyond stupid. She’s an imbecile. She can’t even understand simple English.

What else dis I realized?

Even if I Haven’t seen her face I am so sure that she is butt-flat dog-faced ugly. Why? Listen, to whoever you are who called me and said those derogatory things to me, I would like to say: “Thank you. Thank you for making me feel like I’m the prettiest biotch in the palnet for you to feel that way about me. And also, for making me feel so dam* special for you to waste your load just to bother to call. Surely, you are an insecured faggot, because if not, then I don’t know what demonic force pushed you to call me. Yeah, if it isn’t insecurity, then I don’t know what it is. And so, if you are insecured with me, perhaps my hunch is right that you are butt-flat ugly.

Ooh, and one more thing, to whoever scumbag who gave my number to that whore, I’ll pray for your rotting soul.

So bottom line, was I, in any way offended? Hell NO. It just made my head so big for me to think and conclude that I affect you in any way possible. Not everybody has the potency to be noticed like me. I pity you, you know me so well, you even know my middle name, while I don’t know you. That means you are just a little, minute obscure creature pinned to big-as* machine with my name on it.

So as a gift to you, since you despise my photo, I guarantee that i will keep that primary photo for as long as you like. Haha.

Cheerios twerp.

Call me anytime. Ta-ta!

Haha!

(Bilang isang manunulat, nais kong aminin at ipaintindi na hindi ako gaanong matatas sa pagsulat ng “blog” sa Tagalog. Bihira kong gamitin ang sariling wika. Pero dahil na-trip-an ko. Wala ng atrasan pa.)

Walang stars nung gabing iyon.
Madilim.
Pero wala akong naramdaman ni katiting na takot.
Kung susumahin, estranghero pa sakin ang kasama ko nun.

Pero sa hindi madalumat na dahilan, wala akong nadamang pag-aalinlangan.

Paandap-andap ang kamay nya’y sumasaling sa mga kamay ko.

O di kaya’y banayad na pumapatong sa balikat ko.

Paminsan ay napupunta sa bewang ko habang bianbagtas namin ang kahabaan ng madilim na kalsada papuntang Gate 1. Ihahatid na nya ko nun pauwi.

At nung pagkakataong iyon, sabi ko sa sarili ko: “Iba siya”.

Hindi ko mailahad ng buo, pero kung naramdaman mo na ang pakiramdam na parang ayaw mo na umuwi kahit alam mong pagagalitan ka pag-uwi, ang pakiramdam na para kang lulutang sa himpapawid sa bawat pagdampi ng kanyang labi, ang pakiramdam na sa bawat bulong, ang mabining amoy ng kanyang hininga sa iyong tenga at ang kiliting dumadaloy sa iyong gulugod sa tuwing bubulong siya ng “Akin ka lang ha?”, sigurado akong malinaw sa’yo ang kwento ng gabing iyon.

Ordinaryong gabi. Ordinaryong tao. Ordinaryong lugar.

Ngunit hindi ko alam kung bakit pag pinagsama-sama ang mga yan ay isang espesyal na alaala ang sumasamyo sa aking kamalayan.

Maaring hindi palaging ganyang kawagas at kaganda ang bawat gabi. Maaaring bukas ay sabihin nyang ayaw na nya. Maaaring niloloko ko lang aking sarili sa paniniwalang siya na talaga. Pero ang naisip ko, kailangan mo ba talagang hilingin ang isang bagay na kayang-kaya namang ibigay sayo ng tadhana kung nakatakda talaga para sa’yo.

Minsan mas masarap magpatangay sa agos.

Mas masarap managinip sa ulap.

Mas masarap maniwala sa mga bagay na walang kasiguraduhan.

Walang masama. Ganyan ang tao. Hinahabol lahat ng pagkakataon para sumaya sa pag-ibig. Dahil ito ang pinakamatamis na bagay na hindi nababayaran. Ang pinakamasarap na pakiramdam na hindi nananakaw. At ang pinakadalisay na emosyon na hindi matutumbasan.

Dahil ang sabi nga:

“it’s the closest thing we have to magic”

Seryoso. Bata pa lang ako, wala pa nga yata ako sa mundo, mahilig ng mag-ampon mga magulang ko.

Nung hindi pa sila mag-boyfriend, yung Mama ko, may inampon na two-month old baby, si Tita Len. Yung Papa ko naman, hindi siya nag-ampon, pero lahat ng mga kapatid niya, yung mga mas bunso sa kanya, puro siya yung nagpa-aral. Siguro mga, five or six yun. Puro mga college. Di ko lang sure kung ilan ang gumraduate, basta ang alam ko, si Tito Manny,yung bunso, asa SSS. Si Tito Pogi, nagtapos ng Engineering, pero ngayon, inclined din sa yelo yung business. Si Tita Dada, asa Florida, tapos si Ninang Ambel naman, asa Malacanang. Not bad na rin, kahit yung isa e hindi tinapos yung pag-aaral niya at yung isa e nagpakamatandang-binata sa Leyte, albularyo ang drama.

Tapos, nakagisnan ko na, na kung sinu-sino inaampon nila Mama at Papa nung mag-asawa na sila. Hindi na nga ko nagtataka pag may nakita akong mga bagong mukha sa bahay e. Naiisip ko na lang na, “A, may stary na naman si Papa.”

Si Ate Angie at si Ate Aileen, yung mga pinsan ko. Umalis din sila after sometime. Si Ate Lexa tsaka si Kuya Randy, yung magboyfriend na hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi natanggihan ni Papa kahit na sabihin pang they(he and Kuya Randy) go from way back, kasi naman, magulo yung sitwasyon ng dalawang yun. May third party. Nagkariot pa sa bahay. Yung asawa ni Kuya Randy tapos si Ate Lexa. Si Jeff at Jervy. Yung mga naging teammates ng mga kuya ko sa liga dito samin. Tapos hindi ko na alam kung paanong nangyaring nag-end up silang nakatira sa bahay. Si Jeff ngayon ay nakatira na sa Tito niya sa Novaliches, working student at dumadalaw-dalaw pa rin samin. Si Jervy, come and go sa bahay. Okay lang, sobrang at home na kami sa kanya, plus sobrang galing makisama. Samin pa rin siya nakatira ngayon, kaya may instant clown, tagalinis, at napapakiusapan kami. Si Papa kasi nagpapabaon sa kanya, okay na rin kasi sa state U naman siya nag-aaral. Si Ate Roogie Ann, yung ibinlog ko rin nung bago pa lang yung Multiply ko. Kasi nakikielam siya ng mga gamit ko ng walang paalam, nakakainis ng sobra. Pero wala kang magawa dahil maisip ko pa lang na hindi siya lumaki sa luho at kinulang talaga sa edukasyon, naaawa na lang ako e. Ayun, lumayas, hindi nakayanan ang palakad ng Mama ko. Pinsan ko yun e, kinuha para sana eventually e makatulong sa Tita ko. Kaso, inuna pakikipagbarkada at pakikipag-boyfriend. Last I heard, dun na siya naghahasik ng lagim sa poder ng tatay niya.

E bakit ko ba kinukwento to? Kasi may bago na naman kaming ampon. Actually, naisip ko nga, nasa lahi na talaga namin yung pag-aampon. Yung kapatid ng Papa ko, may ampon din. Tapos, yung anak ni Tita Len, ampon naman ng Tita ko ngayon. Yung bagong tao sa bahay? Anak pa rin ni Tita Len. Masalimuot ang buhay niya. Mahirap ikwento. Sabi ko nga kay Mama, ang weird no? Lahat sila, ampon? Isipin mo, inampon mo si Tita Len, tapos si Shenggay na kila Lola, si Joshua, na kila Tita Beng, tapos ngayon si Jas nasa atin (note: si Shenggay, Joshua, Jas, magkakapatid, anak ni Tita Len). O diba? Ang gulo.

Di ko nga lang alam kung maaawa ako dun sa bata. Ang maldita kasi e. Halatang hindi dinidisiplina nung pinanggalingan niya. Tatlo na ngayon ang mga bata sa bahay. Ang. Gulo.

Di ko alam kung bat di matanggihan nila Mama at Papa yung mga humihingi ng tulong sa kanila, when in fact, kami mismo ay nahihirapan na rin. I mean, with Papa’s election case, at ang paghina ng kita sa yelo, mahirap talaga. I guess, hindi lang talaga mapigilan ni Papa ang hindi tumulong. Nasa nature niya na yata talaga. Napakabait na tao, to the point na nakakainis na. Ang sabi nila,kapag inimmerse mo ang isang tao sa isang grupo ng mga taong iba ang ugali sa kanya, eventually ay magiging magkakatulad din sila. Pero ang lupit ni Papa. Hindi nahawahan ng kamalditahan ko, ni Cat at ni Mama. Minsan nga iniisip ko, how the hell did you sired kids like us? Sometimes I feel like, inadequate, compared to Papa’s caring nature. Kasi, hindi ako naaawa sa pulubi. Lagi kong naiisip na, kasalanan ng magulang niyo yan, o sindikato naman yan e.

The thing with my mom is completely different. Yung gusto niya talagang tulungan as much as possible yung mga kapatid niya. Pero yung mga anak nila, yung mga pinsan ko na mismo, ayaw tumira samin. Gagawin daw silang katulong. Which is totally an insult. Oo, mukha nga kami (ako, Cat, Mama) na mga maldita, pasenyorita, pero hindi kami ganon. Lalong-lalo na pinsan ko pa sila. Bakit si Jervy, ilang years na samin nakatira. Bumabalik-balik pa. Ang weird nga. Yung mga hindi pa namin kamag-anak yung natutulungan namin. Tsk. Sayang ang opportunity. Ang sasarap iuntog sa pader ng matauhan.

Ngayon, si Jas, medyo hesitant na si Papa na kunin. Gusto niya kasi, kapag kinuha niya, may kasulatan na, na hindi na kukunin ulit samin. Kasi nadala na yung Papa ko. The other day, kinukwento niya na nag-ampon na siya before, tapos kinuha din sa kanya. Siya pa yung nasabihan ng masama, after mong tumulong. Ano ba yun? Napaka-ingrata ng mga magulang din ba? Gusto pang magdemanda.

Hay, buhay. Pag nagkapera talaga ko, pagagawan ko na ng monumento tatay ko e. Teka, paano na kaya kung makaupo na siya sa pwesto? Magkakaroon na siguro kami ng foundation.

So okay, in the past two days, my lola has been living in our house since the apartment she was renting was going to be demolished (I’m not sure), and since she doesn’t have a place to stay, she is now living with us. Ever since, my lola has been the independent type. Growing old without her husband, she learned how to get by on her own, aided by the fact that her three daughters, including my mom wasn’t close to her (but that’s another story, let’s not divert focus)

To tell you, I silently partially feel irritated-slash-happy to have her in the house. Why, ladies and gentleman, this is a warning, my Lola is an OC. Obsessive-Compulsive. She is the Queen of all OCs. She can give Monica Geller a run for her money when it comes to being an OC-OC. She can’t stand the house or any place she’s in to be dirty. She is like this heroine/Revicon/Cobra energy drink-infused granny who cleans the house 24/7! No kidding!

So in the past two days of living in our house, these are the things she has accomplished (Oh and by the way, when I said 2 days, I mean 2 loooong days on non-stop cleaning, her only rest is eating and sleeping):

1. She has replaced all of the bedsheets in all the beds in the house.

2. She has cleaned every corner of the house.

3. She has re-tiled (ENTIRELY) the floor linoleum!

4. She has scrubbed the kitchen tiles.

5. She had re-designed our dish-cabin.

6. She had segregated everybody’s dirty clothes and keeps on telling: “Dapat hiwa-hiwalay damit nyo dahil iba-iba kayo ng amoy! Kawawa naman labandera nyo!”

7. She has re-piled all the clothes in EVERY SINGLE closet!

8. She has swept every minute dust in every room and I swear I almost saw the floor sparkle! (haha)

9. She had established herself as the granny-robot and orders around the house that we should wash the dishes immediately, but when no one follows her, she does it herself. Haha.

10. And last, and the most shocking: I went home with her Chinese altar characters and Buddha whatevers displayed as you enter the door, so it’s definitely the first thing you see.

I don’t know if she’s trying to get us all converted to Buddhism, but then I thought, she’s not even a Buddhist! She’s not even Chinese for crying out loud. It’s just peer pressure i think, haha, cause majority of her amigas are Chinese so she also succumb to the Chinese altar with all the incense and stuff. I tell you, my lola is one odd momma! Haha.

I really feel glad that there’s someone who’s now taking care of the house especially when nobody in the house have the time because we are all going to school and work and stuff. But sometimes it’s just too much. She blabs about every single thing! It’s sometimes very piss-tempting! I feel like we have this nanny-robot like Richie Rich who does everything. Running circles around the house and redesigning and cleaning and rearranging everything in the house that I sometimes can’t see my stuff (my trash) because I am very comfortable with myself being makalat. That’s just me. I am used to lying in my bed with lumps of clothes and yellowpad and school stuff lagged around the bed. Or my closet very disheveled.

But no, with her around the house, she’s going commando as in ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!

And just a while ago, I was sleeping in my parents’ room with the air conditioner going on full blast. And she enters and did the most horrible thing!….she opened the LIGHTS! (Now, now, don’t look at me like that! I am NOT overreacting). It’s just that, it’s a cardinal rule in the house that when I AM SLEEPING, no one could open the lights because that would wake up the sleeping Tai-Chi dragon and Crouching Tiger inside my system instantly. I hate the light pressing in onto my face when I am sleeping because that would totally destroy my sleep regimen and I could not go back to sleep again. So she enters and wakes me up, turns of the air con and arranges the bed while I was sleeping! I mean, GIVE IT A REST! When someone is sleeping, you don’t go in there and change the sheets while that someone is sleeping. Simply unethical. Its like: “Okay lola, I get it, you’re a little OC-OC and you can’t stay calm unless you find yourself making butingting something, but I’m sleeping for Chrissakes!”

So I had no choice but to wake up and just make simangot since I can’t answer back cause after all, she is still my lola. Inire lang nya ang nanay ko na nag-ire naman sakin. I had nothing left to do bbut to scratch my head and irritatingly complain to my Papa: ” Si lola parang naka-drugs! Umalis ako ng bahay naglilinis yan! Pagdating ko naglilinis parin! Gabi na naglilinis parin! Ano yun hobby?” TSSS!

Why is there such a thing as OC?

“Bakit may mga taong hindi mapakali at parang pusang hindi mapa-anak pag hindi nag-iikot sa bahay at maghahanap ng bubutingtingin at lilinisin at aayusin kahit kakaayos lang nya ng lahat ng yon?”

Ha ewan, tanong mo sa lola ko.

OC-OC ‘yon e…

Beware: This is so much of a whining blog. Haha.

Here I go again. Every time my relationship with a guy goes to a halt, I find myself succumbing to the following factual (ehem) observations/behavior:

1. I always find time, so much time to spend with my friends.

2. I keep preoccupying myself with stuff to do so that I won’t stop thinking about being single again- such as LAKWATSA.

3. I over-indulge to sweets.

4. I think of new things to do with my physique to divert attention.

5. This is not intentional: My eagle eyes keep searching for potential boyfriend replacements.

So this is my dilemma, after every break up, I find myself NOT missing the guy, but missing how it feels like to be in a relationship again. I mean, I cannot blame myself and I won’t allow myself to be scrutinized by others by the fact that I love having someone. Because that’s human nature. Everybody wants to be adored, celebrated, loved, cherished and cared for right? i mean, hindi naman ako yung tulad ng ibang babae na hindi mapakali na walang boyfriend. Im so far from that! It’s just that, ugh… I can’t even find an end to my own sentence.

So while typing this, i have thought of the most foolproof reason beyond all of this drama. I wouldn’t say that I am the perfect catch for a girlfriend because just like what Kaye, Jane and Ate Rhea would repeatedly say, I am a little immature when it comes to relationships, but then again, there are two sides of the coin, so as there two people in a relationship so therefore, I should not, and would not solely blame myself for every break up. Not everything was my fault, but I wouldn’t deny that I was part of the mishap too. It’s just that, maybe I haven’t found that one single soul destined for me (yeah I believe in soul mates and all that serendipity stuff, so what? big deal, go laugh your ass off) whom I can be the perfect girl for. That one person whom the celestial bodies had conspired to be my one and only (naks!) where I could totally say, “we fit like mold”. this feels so right and so meant to be.

To tell you honestly I don’t think that I am a person who’s so easy to be loved. Why? It’s because I’m brusque, I’m not girly. I’m sometimes much more of a koboy than some guys. I am a tough girl, not the usual ones that a guy would go for because generally, guys would definitely choose a soft-spoken one than a girl of my kind so that he would feel superior over that girl in a relationship. I don’t punish myself for it, I don’t blame myself that I’m strong, tough and a go-getter. It just makes it so much fulfilling that when I found that “guy” I would really be sure that he’s the one because despite all of that, despite that I am maton, despite the fact that I’m maligalig, despite teh fact that I’m matigas ang ulo, he dared to break out the barriers and reach out a jackass like me.

So bottomline, and to put an end to all these blabs, ayun, sabi yata ni Papa God maghintay muna ko. Masyado daw ako unique at may malaking abnormalidad sa utak kaya mahirap ako hanapan ng taong kayang sakyan ang mga kabaliwan at katripan  ko.

Sabi ni God: Wait ka lang d’yan anak tingnan ko muna schedule ni Haruto Asou kung available sya.

Haha. Chos.

Ladies and Gents, YOUR EAGLE-EYED MONSTER who’s very much napapanis na sa kakahintay kay Mamang Tama (Mr. Right)

Shiny new black leather shoes, Barbie Backpack, gum-flavored erasers, Mongol #2 Pencils, factory-smelling new notebooks, mall-scented white socks, an many more… those are my annual regimens ever since I started schooling.

Every year, this would be one of my favorite shopping experience aside from the holiday’s. Scooting for the coolest bag, the most multi-tasking pencil case and all that stuff keeping in mind that I should not be behind my classmates cool new things too. (I studied in a private Catholic School so the pressure of having expensive stuff is always at my throat).

But I guess there’s always a first for everything. As years go by, the students out of the five Mones kids are little by little decreasing, first, my two big brothers are out of the list, so the shopping money is thrift ed. Then, just last may, my older sister graduated too, so she’s now evicted from the new school year’s shopping list.

So yeah, do the math, this year, it’ll just be me and my little bro who’ll be the only students in the house.

Having the tag of “batang private school”, having all those new stuff for school (even now that I’m in college) is a big MUST. I feel like going to a new school year with old stuff is like suicide.

But this school year brings something new. I won’t have all of those this year? Why?
Well, right now my family isn’t doing well financially (and if you are reading my blogs regularly, you will also find out in one of me previous blogs that that financial problem has convinced me, for the first time, to transfer to a state university, a public school). And that financial drought of the family has caused us to learn some cost-cutting tactics:

1. The air-condition is now forbidden to be switched ON!

2. We are now all required to stay home when there’s no classes so to avoid ‘extra gastos’.

3. The computer desktop cannot be opened a lot of times because of the ‘low’ power supply.

4. Unlike when we were kids, Chips Ahoy!, pizza and other expensive groceries are a MUST, but now it’s just a figment of our imaginations.

5. I WON’T HAVE ANY NEW STUFF FOR SCHOOL THIS YEAR.

Thinking back, I never really thought we would reach such demeaning state. Don’t worry, we still eat three times a day and my brother is still in a private school. But really, I never thought we would be this poor. I guess I just really never paid any attention to some family matters, that being the word ‘financial’.

So this circumstance came. I asked my mom for the money she borrowed from me so that i could buy at least a whole yellow pad, a filler and a pen, and a bag and shoes from the ukay.

SO she left me some money this morning. The moment I woke up, I checked how much money she left for me, and it was a friggin’ three-hundred pesos!!!

Imagine that! What can you but this days for 3oo pesos?

So I texted her:

“MA, 300 LANG BA YUNG PERANG INIWAN MO?”

“OO, 300 LANG.”

“ANO BA YUN?! YELLOW PAD, SIGN PEN AT FILLER NOTEBOOK LANG MABIBILI KO DUN! WALA PANG BAG AT SAPATOS! UKAY NA NGA LANG AKO BIBILI TATALONG DAAN PA! SAMANTALANG KAY ADELBERT INUBOS NYO YUNG 2K NA GC!”

at first I was blindsided, I never thought that time that the problem was financial, I just thought that “here goes my mom’s favoritism stuff again, buying the favored kid the much expensive stuff”. I never even thought that the GC was paid in an installment manner in her office.
But what she replied to me made me small…so small…

“HAYUP KA, LUHO LANG ANG PROBLEMA MO! AKO NGA YUNG SWELDO KO HINDI KO NAHAWAKAN DAHIL PINAMBYAD SA UTANG NG PAPA MO! LETSE KA, HINTAYIN MO, MANGUNGUTANG AKO PAMBILI NG SAPATOS MO. WALA KANG KONSENSYA!”

—Ouch.

SO i just choked on my reply, “WAG NA, HIHINTAYING KO NALANG YUNG PERA SA SCHOLARSHIP NI BONOAN”

But then I thought, “Oo nga pala, yung pera sa scholarship, nakapila na din yun para hiramin ng Papa ko. Hindi ko rin pala mahahawakan”

At this point I really feel stupid.

No, scratch that out. I’M GULITY.

Guilty for not minding anything but my stupid selfish self.

While I was thinking if I’m gonna buy a wedge or a Mary Jane for me new shoes, the family was thinking how to pay the electric bills. While I was thinking of spending the 12,000 pesos I’ll be getting from the scholarship, my family was thinking how to pay our debts because I had this grand debut party.

I was dumbfounded, I had never felt so mean in my life. I feel like I am this wanna-be princess who lives in an underground house. My ate was right, ’cause she was like “Bat ka nagsisintir e sa’yo din naman ginamit yung perang yun. Diba? Yung pinang-debut mo”.

I feel like I’m the meanest scumbag ever.

While I was so busy enjoying the glitz and glamour of my grand debut party, I never thought that my parents have had debts because of me. And now it’s me who’s demanding for cash when I was the reason most of it ran out!

I am a smart person, but that moment, I don’t know, my logic doesn’t seem to work so what emerged was my selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed self.

I guess, there really is a first time for everything.

But I tell you what, now that I have practically absorbed everything, there’s one thing I’ll never ever doubt about our family.

We may live under a rock.

We may have nothing left to eat.

We may have the highest debts anyone had ever had.

We may be poor.

But just like the bamboo, I know we will prevail.

Our family is as solid as a rock.

Ours’ is the kind that you’ll get tired bringing down, ’cause there’s no way anything can.

We will get by, I know.

When all of us are already working, we will claw back in to the lifestyle we used to have when we were called ‘mga batang private school’.

Put that in mind.

And despite the financial problem, it will always be us who will stick together no matter what. Even though there’s a resident mean bitch in the house.

And this financial turmoil? Fiscal crisis or whatever you call it…

I blame the government.

Haha. Now, now, that’s another story.