a glimpse on my cranium…

Beware: This is so much of a whining blog. Haha.

Here I go again. Every time my relationship with a guy goes to a halt, I find myself succumbing to the following factual (ehem) observations/behavior:

1. I always find time, so much time to spend with my friends.

2. I keep preoccupying myself with stuff to do so that I won’t stop thinking about being single again- such as LAKWATSA.

3. I over-indulge to sweets.

4. I think of new things to do with my physique to divert attention.

5. This is not intentional: My eagle eyes keep searching for potential boyfriend replacements.

So this is my dilemma, after every break up, I find myself NOT missing the guy, but missing how it feels like to be in a relationship again. I mean, I cannot blame myself and I won’t allow myself to be scrutinized by others by the fact that I love having someone. Because that’s human nature. Everybody wants to be adored, celebrated, loved, cherished and cared for right? i mean, hindi naman ako yung tulad ng ibang babae na hindi mapakali na walang boyfriend. Im so far from that! It’s just that, ugh… I can’t even find an end to my own sentence.

So while typing this, i have thought of the most foolproof reason beyond all of this drama. I wouldn’t say that I am the perfect catch for a girlfriend because just like what Kaye, Jane and Ate Rhea would repeatedly say, I am a little immature when it comes to relationships, but then again, there are two sides of the coin, so as there two people in a relationship so therefore, I should not, and would not solely blame myself for every break up. Not everything was my fault, but I wouldn’t deny that I was part of the mishap too. It’s just that, maybe I haven’t found that one single soul destined for me (yeah I believe in soul mates and all that serendipity stuff, so what? big deal, go laugh your ass off) whom I can be the perfect girl for. That one person whom the celestial bodies had conspired to be my one and only (naks!) where I could totally say, “we fit like mold”. this feels so right and so meant to be.

To tell you honestly I don’t think that I am a person who’s so easy to be loved. Why? It’s because I’m brusque, I’m not girly. I’m sometimes much more of a koboy than some guys. I am a tough girl, not the usual ones that a guy would go for because generally, guys would definitely choose a soft-spoken one than a girl of my kind so that he would feel superior over that girl in a relationship. I don’t punish myself for it, I don’t blame myself that I’m strong, tough and a go-getter. It just makes it so much fulfilling that when I found that “guy” I would really be sure that he’s the one because despite all of that, despite that I am maton, despite the fact that I’m maligalig, despite teh fact that I’m matigas ang ulo, he dared to break out the barriers and reach out a jackass like me.

So bottomline, and to put an end to all these blabs, ayun, sabi yata ni Papa God maghintay muna ko. Masyado daw ako unique at may malaking abnormalidad sa utak kaya mahirap ako hanapan ng taong kayang sakyan ang mga kabaliwan at katripan  ko.

Sabi ni God: Wait ka lang d’yan anak tingnan ko muna schedule ni Haruto Asou kung available sya.

Haha. Chos.

Ladies and Gents, YOUR EAGLE-EYED MONSTER who’s very much napapanis na sa kakahintay kay Mamang Tama (Mr. Right)

~ by cathnirvana on July 1, 2009.